My favorite Call Girl

My favorite Call Girl

How many years have gone by?
Look at the pitiful state I am in.
I got despair like little cuts all over my hand,
Rolled in lemon juice.

You know what's funny, is I almost forgot your name.
I forgot who you were to me, and what it all meant.
Rather I allowed you to be a transcendental image.
An incorruptible memory that could be held on to.

Yet, I forgot who you are. I've almost forgotten your name.
Because I want so badly to believe,
To believe in hope, and life after you.
And life after my suicides, drugs, and torrents of alcohol.

You know I don't drink to forget you,
No, your memory is too precious, I drink and remember.
I drink and compare. Each woman in my arms is just a pale shadow to you.
The you I've invented, the goddess I made out of a very kind mortal.

I wish I had the courage to ask you,
To ask you to remind me of the real world we once shared.
As the snow danced in the sky, the hot tears ran down my eyes.
I made every vow I could think of.

I wanted to be an ideal, something that could match my fantasy of you,
I started to feel inadequate, I resented myself,
And I started to forget the taste of your skin.
I forgot how little all my stupid thoughts mattered holding you.

Now if only I could remember your name,
If only I could remember the man who was enough for you,
Maybe some kind soul still a drift in this world,
Maybe she will show me some goddamn mercy.