Amber

It goes drip drip drip amber gold

slowly little bubbles of red drip drip

Its a quiet humming in the background.

Like an engine buzzin an all whit nothing.

Drip drip drip the gold strikes oil

and the amber is dyed crimson

A deep breath drip drip the sound

of the world sinks away to absence.

Drip drip the amber dulls over time,

Never the same gold, always more time,

drip drip drip, buzz buzz buzz, there is not ime,

Turn the key and the crimson dyes the engine,

Is that a bubble? Drip drip drip.

Amber like an insect frozen for a milenia

frozen like the moment waiting for the,

crimson invasion to color the amber a soft resonance.

Drip, drip drip, silence..............  

The Fuck do I do Now

So, I spent last night thinking of you,
Whoever the fuck you are,
I'm surely less sure of that answer than you are.

And Whoever the bloody fuck you are,
Who the bleeding fuck am I?

My concrete cell

There is a concrete cell wherein I'm constantly trapped.

I've been clawing at the edifice of all of my broken dreams.

And the hard door won't budge and it muffles my screams.

There are scratch marks all along the concrete in my cell.

My fingers are bloodied daily as I try to get out.

Yet, there is no way out. There is no exit.  

For Her

For Her

For those beautiful deep Moorish eyes have stolen my heart.

My desert saint, I've loved you since before I knew you.

For this child of Elissa I have boundless love to share.

Yes, my angel, I close my eyes and we are together,

But my heart aches across the distance between us.

The world is a wide chasm that holds us a part.

And those deep beautiful Moorish eyes are oceans,

For I will sail them, across you memories as I drift,

Waiting for the wind to carry me into your heart.

Yes my cherub, I will always cherish you,

Our love is the immortality the very gods covet.

Your love is ruby of immeasurable value.

Because those deep beautiful Moorish eyes have enslaved me,

You corsair of times passed, I'm your prisoner,

Ask me the question and I will be you renegado

Yes my saint, I will abandon all for you.

You are my new faith, my new sword, my revolt.

And my heart feels new when it thinks of you.

When I think of those deep beautiful Moorish eyes,

I lose myself in dreams of Carthage, and love everlasting,

Ever your slave, I am your Aeneas....

The vultures will be feeding in no time.

             Staring at the rain water foaming and forming in the cracks of the street. This told me all the answers to all the questions I needed to ask. Knife like droplets of rain cutting my skin in a winter chill. Lost to the caress of darkness and ruin. Now, give me a moment to focus. Search this place once over. Realize the implication. Now what the fuck am I doing here? Everything has to be leading somewhere somehow. What do I do now? When to I figure out what this is for? Right now I can almost reclaim just an instant of sanity.

                 Yes, Just an instant. That is the key. Yes, a moment. Tell me what does a moment cost? Tell me can I afford it? The very thought of how to best finance that moment has lead me to the blood soaked red wine spin of consciousness. Spinning, spinning spun. Now I'm nauseous. Since I can hardly focus. So much for seeing straight.

                   Tonight the rain is a gift. The rain keeps me alert. The rain gives me just a short stabbing second's clarity. Yes, that is the word stuck on my malicious tongue. Erudite. Everything clear. Ready, clear and authentic. Calling out to no one. Everyone who passes me by seems to be staring. Go! Out of here! Everyone! Each one of you!

            Usually these vultures leave me alone for this kind of day. Yet, it seems they've caught on to my scent. The vultures will be feeding in no time.    

The Fucking Man of Words

A mentor once said, "I've have no doubt you have great imagination, but you lack commitment."

Isn't that the case, the prettiest words flowing from this cowards tongue?

Hey Vince, lets go die on the barricades, die for our ideals, die like our heroes.

I'm always lost to the mytho-poetic, I'm always waiting for Hector,

The truth is it revolts me to be human,

Fuck, I hate the need to eat, the need to sleep,

Hell, I hate the need to fuck,

Hey Sela, can you stand to read any more of my self-indulgent dribble?

You must know for all my great ideals I'm rather pathetic.

A sad sack of shit, rotting away in a world he despises.

Against so much I have often forgot what I was for.

I'm always lost to those great works of fiction,

Writing attracted me, because the characters could be sincere,

Sincere like the people I want in the world,

But always sincere like the man I need to be.

Hey Grandfather, when I was young you were my hero.

You did the kind of things I could only dream of.

I made a god out of you, and your struggle.

Then I met you, and my idol was smashed.

I'm always lost to the bottle,

At least she is my truest friend,

She never listens too carefully to what I say,

And she never expects me to become anything more,

Hey father, I hated you all my life,

Yet, everyday I go on I understand you a little more,

I understand the revulsion you felt to this world.

And in it, perhaps the revulsion you felt to me.

My favorite Call Girl

My favorite Call Girl

How many years have gone by?
Look at the pitiful state I am in.
I got despair like little cuts all over my hand,
Rolled in lemon juice.

You know what's funny, is I almost forgot your name.
I forgot who you were to me, and what it all meant.
Rather I allowed you to be a transcendental image.
An incorruptible memory that could be held on to.

Yet, I forgot who you are. I've almost forgotten your name.
Because I want so badly to believe,
To believe in hope, and life after you.
And life after my suicides, drugs, and torrents of alcohol.

You know I don't drink to forget you,
No, your memory is too precious, I drink and remember.
I drink and compare. Each woman in my arms is just a pale shadow to you.
The you I've invented, the goddess I made out of a very kind mortal.

I wish I had the courage to ask you,
To ask you to remind me of the real world we once shared.
As the snow danced in the sky, the hot tears ran down my eyes.
I made every vow I could think of.

I wanted to be an ideal, something that could match my fantasy of you,
I started to feel inadequate, I resented myself,
And I started to forget the taste of your skin.
I forgot how little all my stupid thoughts mattered holding you.

Now if only I could remember your name,
If only I could remember the man who was enough for you,
Maybe some kind soul still a drift in this world,
Maybe she will show me some goddamn mercy.