For Her

For Her

For those beautiful deep Moorish eyes have stolen my heart.

My desert saint, I've loved you since before I knew you.

For this child of Elissa I have boundless love to share.

Yes, my angel, I close my eyes and we are together,

But my heart aches across the distance between us.

The world is a wide chasm that holds us a part.

And those deep beautiful Moorish eyes are oceans,

For I will sail them, across you memories as I drift,

Waiting for the wind to carry me into your heart.

Yes my cherub, I will always cherish you,

Our love is the immortality the very gods covet.

Your love is ruby of immeasurable value.

Because those deep beautiful Moorish eyes have enslaved me,

You corsair of times passed, I'm your prisoner,

Ask me the question and I will be you renegado

Yes my saint, I will abandon all for you.

You are my new faith, my new sword, my revolt.

And my heart feels new when it thinks of you.

When I think of those deep beautiful Moorish eyes,

I lose myself in dreams of Carthage, and love everlasting,

Ever your slave, I am your Aeneas....

The vultures will be feeding in no time.

             Staring at the rain water foaming and forming in the cracks of the street. This told me all the answers to all the questions I needed to ask. Knife like droplets of rain cutting my skin in a winter chill. Lost to the caress of darkness and ruin. Now, give me a moment to focus. Search this place once over. Realize the implication. Now what the fuck am I doing here? Everything has to be leading somewhere somehow. What do I do now? When to I figure out what this is for? Right now I can almost reclaim just an instant of sanity.

                 Yes, Just an instant. That is the key. Yes, a moment. Tell me what does a moment cost? Tell me can I afford it? The very thought of how to best finance that moment has lead me to the blood soaked red wine spin of consciousness. Spinning, spinning spun. Now I'm nauseous. Since I can hardly focus. So much for seeing straight.

                   Tonight the rain is a gift. The rain keeps me alert. The rain gives me just a short stabbing second's clarity. Yes, that is the word stuck on my malicious tongue. Erudite. Everything clear. Ready, clear and authentic. Calling out to no one. Everyone who passes me by seems to be staring. Go! Out of here! Everyone! Each one of you!

            Usually these vultures leave me alone for this kind of day. Yet, it seems they've caught on to my scent. The vultures will be feeding in no time.    

The Fucking Man of Words

A mentor once said, "I've have no doubt you have great imagination, but you lack commitment."

Isn't that the case, the prettiest words flowing from this cowards tongue?

Hey Vince, lets go die on the barricades, die for our ideals, die like our heroes.

I'm always lost to the mytho-poetic, I'm always waiting for Hector,

The truth is it revolts me to be human,

Fuck, I hate the need to eat, the need to sleep,

Hell, I hate the need to fuck,

Hey Sela, can you stand to read any more of my self-indulgent dribble?

You must know for all my great ideals I'm rather pathetic.

A sad sack of shit, rotting away in a world he despises.

Against so much I have often forgot what I was for.

I'm always lost to those great works of fiction,

Writing attracted me, because the characters could be sincere,

Sincere like the people I want in the world,

But always sincere like the man I need to be.

Hey Grandfather, when I was young you were my hero.

You did the kind of things I could only dream of.

I made a god out of you, and your struggle.

Then I met you, and my idol was smashed.

I'm always lost to the bottle,

At least she is my truest friend,

She never listens too carefully to what I say,

And she never expects me to become anything more,

Hey father, I hated you all my life,

Yet, everyday I go on I understand you a little more,

I understand the revulsion you felt to this world.

And in it, perhaps the revulsion you felt to me.

My favorite Call Girl

My favorite Call Girl

How many years have gone by?
Look at the pitiful state I am in.
I got despair like little cuts all over my hand,
Rolled in lemon juice.

You know what's funny, is I almost forgot your name.
I forgot who you were to me, and what it all meant.
Rather I allowed you to be a transcendental image.
An incorruptible memory that could be held on to.

Yet, I forgot who you are. I've almost forgotten your name.
Because I want so badly to believe,
To believe in hope, and life after you.
And life after my suicides, drugs, and torrents of alcohol.

You know I don't drink to forget you,
No, your memory is too precious, I drink and remember.
I drink and compare. Each woman in my arms is just a pale shadow to you.
The you I've invented, the goddess I made out of a very kind mortal.

I wish I had the courage to ask you,
To ask you to remind me of the real world we once shared.
As the snow danced in the sky, the hot tears ran down my eyes.
I made every vow I could think of.

I wanted to be an ideal, something that could match my fantasy of you,
I started to feel inadequate, I resented myself,
And I started to forget the taste of your skin.
I forgot how little all my stupid thoughts mattered holding you.

Now if only I could remember your name,
If only I could remember the man who was enough for you,
Maybe some kind soul still a drift in this world,
Maybe she will show me some goddamn mercy.

Write Something You Jackass

Write that every bottle that passed between two lips had meaning.
Write that every moment shared between two warm bodies had some significance.
Write that  the man begging for change is my brother, fellow-man, fraternity.

Write to ask them to stop the war, and stop the death of innocents.
Write to silence the voice of despair to shut it up a few seconds.
Write to free the enslaved, to bring equality and fairness back to the world.

Fuckin' write to end the gonzo-bourgeoisie dictatorship of minds.
Fuckin' write to hear yourself on paper to feel less alone.
Fuckin' write to believe in one more thing, a subtle mutable destiny,

Write to get this all out!
Write to say anything at all!
Just write to feel a bit like a human.....

Honesty

Honesty.

I think I have to long been a dishonest man.

The words that roll of my liars tongue are hollow.

A mirror to the empty decay that rots away my insides.

So, maybe it is time to be a honest man.

The world around me seems so distant so far from me.

A window to the feelings of loss and desperation.

Now I think back to my sins and cry, a broken man.

The wait now is for absolution, but the gods are so far away.

A doorway to my regrets like an ocean of abysmal despair.

So, maybe it is time to profess, I am a broken man.

The water I stare into mocks the failure in my eyes.

A deep blue storm of failure and dishonesty.

I think though, I have been too long a bad man.

The wash out of infinite failure bemoans my infinite sorrows.

A bed without you, but at least there is some wine left in that bottle.

So, with that warm red liquid dancing on my tongue.

The wine is a bargain, I sell my health and sanity for strength.

A red wave that allows me to beg for a moments pardon as the tears fall.

I think that I don't have the strength to go on.

The joke is that I tried to take my life again.

A force outside of me resuscitated me at the hospital.

So, if I am to be an honest man I must confess.

Waking up there broke me more than ever.

Those well meaning people who saved my life only prolonged my suffering.

And your fears are well founded Vince,

You are most likely to lose me to this world that I hate so much.

Because I don't have the strength everyday to stop the pain.

Dedicated to the Memory of a Woman I Loved.

Dedicated to the Memory of a Woman I Loved.

So I sat down with a woman who reminded me of you,

She had come across the sea from your native land,

I laughed and smiled, but felt my heart sink deeper,

Because in my memory of you, I think of what I almost had.

And so I looked across the table and listened to her story,

It was one of happiness and the kind of future I wanted,

She had married a nice British man, she had a lovely daughter,

I smiled more, laughed at the jokes and the sill words I still remembered,

Of your face that I can still see when I close my eyes,

I can almost remember your touch on my skin,

To that I can almost still taste you on my lips,

Because you made me feel like I wasn't so lost,

And you made me feel like I could be loved,

That with your arms entangled in mine I could let go,

I could find repentance for my sins.

And you made me feel like I could be loved.

You made me feel that I could let go of the hate,

And with your hand in mine I could never feel envy,

Who could really want anything more,

Than a woman who had showed me forgiveness.

I could let go of my hate, and free myself from my anger,

And in love finally find the peace my mind had begged for,

The happiness my soul had yearned for,

But the cowardice that weighed around my neck dragged,

It dragged me further down to my own hell,

The one I made on this earth, I made of my life,

So I pushed you away because I needed you so much,

And now I lay alone on my floor broken, shattered crushed,

And every day that gets further away from when I was happy,

I sink deeper into the cracks as my life drains,

And every day my heart cries for the future I almost had,

I laugh the sorrows away because some people are meant to suffer.